A YOGI CHA BLOG

I AM NO ONE

To know that you are alive, you have your senses for reassurance. You see, smell, taste, touch and hear the world around you and your mind is turning that into a perception so there is activity.
But to know that you EXIST is something else.
When survival is a fight for existence, you are not certain that you are being PERCEIVED. Are you being seen and heard, touched, acknowledged by other humans?
When someone fights a battle of trying to reassure themselves of their existence, it looks like they’re hungry for attention. What they’re really hungry for, is to know that they have a place in the world.
Their sense of I is so weak they can’t be sure of its existence through their own senses. They need it from others and they will do ANYTHING to trigger the reaction that will acknowledge them.
When you can’t trust your own senses as proof that you exist, the outside world has taken a far too big place in your life.
Because apparently; the inside world, what really is telling you all that you need to know on a home base, is not trusted enough to seem valid.
So sitting on your own and just being in your skin is not a valid confirmation of your existence. Actually, it’s a source of anxiety. You can’t stand being on your own because maybe you aren’t real. It becomes a priority to always have something that keeps you EXISTING. This means that if, for some reason, you are forced to spend time on your own, you will need to seek distraction to not be so aware that no one is there to prove your existence.
Sounds familiar? A little, some, a lot?

When I studied clinical Psychology, I was taught to label symptoms of survival into personality traits and somehow that has made me not want to label so much because it doesn’t really serve us. It just makes us separate from others which means ultimately, to compare even more. This means that if you were raised in this society we call the modern world, you are a subject to this too. We like to call it narcissism.
But I am poking you deep in the belly with my index as I’m saying these words; “YOU’RE IT’.

The weaker the sense of I, the bigger the need to improve it. Therefore people are classified with higher and lower importance, comparison is the only way. What happens is that those who are inferior become stepping stones to improve the sense of I and those who are superior will be measuring stocks, subject that we need to rise above which will be gratifying for our sense of I.
In both cases, you’re not identifying, you’re objectifying. What this means is that you are not feeling a connection to them. When you can connect, you can love. When you cannot connect, you can mistreat.
In the society that we know as the world, children are not really being treated as equals. It’s commonly known and even seemed to be normal. But when we treat children as less important (their expressions of emotion, their wishes and boundaries) we create beings of comparison. In Clinical Psychology we even define the relationship children develop to others as “object relationships”. It can be neurotic (or what we call normal), borderline or psychotic.

Narcissists are starving children, they need to have their existence acknowledged by something exterior to them because they do not trust their own instinct. They were not born that way, they were TAUGHT that way. So they looked at the people acknowledging their existence and they adopted the same behaviour.
If daddy treated mommy like a second class citizen, then his son will treat women that way.
If I had to MANIPULATE the way I am for mommy to give me her love, that is what I will do get get love later in life. I will manipulate so that other people will love me.
I can go on. But it doesn’t really help you.

What helps you is to understand that it’s that disbelief in your own instincts, in your inner world, in your senses that has made you so codependent on other people’s acknowledging of your existence. So you need to strengthen your trust in what your being is telling you. You need to become aware of life inside of you so that you FEEL your existence when you are alone. So that you KNOW that you have a place.

The little voice in your head is whispering it to you as you read this, but you can’t really take it in because you don’t actually know what that means….

“…the only way out is in….”

The reason it calms you down to practice yoga and meditation is that the nervous system is trained, yes. But it also means that you can you feel your existence. This is why you start to enjoy spending time on your own more and more the further you take the path of yoga. This is why your priorities changes so that you don’t feel as much the need to go out for drinks because you feel content just by sitting by the tree in your garden, feeling your own presence. It works on all levels. The more you train your nervous system, the easier it becomes to stay calm and collected when the storm arises and your actions will be chosen responses instead of reactions. The easier it becomes to always stay calm, the clearer it will become to notice emotional triggers coming from the outside. You will learn more and more about your existence. Then there will be no doubt that you are.
All the time. You will acknowledge your own existence and therefore you can acknowledge other people’s existences. They will no longer have to be OBJECTS for you.
You can then LOVE them. If you have learned to love them, you will no longer want to step on them or rise above them because you will feel CONNECTED to them. You will feel BELONGING.

The Self Image project is my way of combining my knowledge in western Psychology with the spiritual path of Self realisation of Yoga. If you haven’t checked the free Masterclass on the subject out yet, register through my website to get a glimpse into how you can work on it yourself!