A YOGI CHA BLOG
Stop “gaslighting” yourself to take the power back
Let’s be real- gaslighting is just an American pop psychology word for lies. There are two things we need to separate from each other though that most people seem to mix up : lies and denial. They are not the same thing.
When someone is lying they are perfectly aware of what they are doing and they chose to take this action for because they are not able to face the truth. the intention behind it might be to simply not have to deal with the pain of the truth, it might be to manipulate you into something or to not seem impolite or worse.
Denial we have to get, is not done consciously entirely. It’s a rather unadapted defence mechanism that we would place closer to the psychotic personality on the spectrum of “normal” but to a certain extent, we all have denied something at one point or another.
Why am I talking about this?
Because when we lie, we are not able to face the truth. The reason we don’t speak the truth has a fear laying underneath and often it can be traced back to shame or guilt.
When someone does not want to acknowledge that they are not feeling good, are not healthy or are even depressed, they will prefer a lie to the truth.
So when we live in a world where things like those three examples are not accepted but instead shamed, everyone quickly begins to “gaslight” themselves when the symptoms come to the surface.
This is how the “gaslighting” begins and it’s just a fear of touching what lays underneath the lie.
So let’s say its your body’s physical condition. I can testify on this behaviour first hand because it has been a struggle for me for as long as I can remember. And what perpetuates the struggle is the lie. For so many years I did not feel good in my body. I was fixated on the idea of trying to lose weight and struggling with being heard because I was just told that it was a vain thought, ideas in my head. I was being superficial and silly.
So it got even worse because it also made me think that there was truly something wrong with me. Not just physically but mentally.
This is also the case for people who struggle with depression. The whole sub culture of “good vibes only” is a big fat lie and a slap in the face to someone who is struggling with their mood.
All of it simply because we are being shamed in our society for experiencing symptoms of just how destructive this society is.
Have you noticed how people who have made it through their struggle can talk about it without so much complex? It’s because they have transcended their shame. It is no longer a trauma that blocks them and defines them.
Understand that the reason you feel so exposed to this shame is the same reason that is keeping you from taking control over the situation and empowering yourself instead.
Like I said earlier : the reason we lie is because we don’t want to face what the truth is and we don’t want to face the truth because it makes us feel shame. We feel shame because we believe that the truth defines us and therefore makes us bad/less worthy/unlovable.
But what is also true is that when you are not well, when you have an unhealthy body, mind or soul it is only a symptom and not a definition of who you are. It’s hard to believe because have been defined by what we look like, what we present and what we possess for as long as we can remember. That our actual worth is far beyond that feels too esoteric or abstract for most of us. We say “yes that is a beautiful idea” and then we go on about agonising on our body weight, our job and the brand of our shoes.
And this is the exact reason why you need to fall in love with Ayurveda and Yoga, just as much as I did. Because what it tells you is that YOU ARE PERFECTION INCARNATED. Whatever imbalances are presenting themselves on you is not WHO you are but simply how your organism adapted itself to different changes. So you can come back to your natural and original state by simply balancing out what is no longer stable. And I promise you that when you have come back to a more balanced state, you will feel the difference. And you will be able to say “this is how I am supposed to feel. Stop lying to me.”
Hi, I’m Charlotte (Yogi Cha). I’m a yoga teacher with a degree in clinical psychology. I’ve always had a deep curiosity toward eastern and western approaches to understanding the mind, and the ming/body union. You’ll find me in the lovely Canggu Bali, nestled amongst coconuts, palm trees and sunshine 🥥🌴🌞
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