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A YOGI CHA BLOG

We love at our level of consciousness

Hi, I’m Charlotte (Yogi Cha). I’m a yoga teacher with a degree in clinical psychology. I’ve always had a deep curiosity toward eastern and western approaches to understanding the mind, and the ming/body union. You’ll find me in the lovely Canggu Bali, nestled amongst coconuts, palm trees and sunshine 🥥🌴🌞

 

The key to a successful relationship?

Probably to not even use the word successful.

The stronger idea we have about what a relationship should be, the harder we will find it to make one last.

Don’t get me wrong- I’m not saying talking about manifesting what you wish, on the contrary, probably manifesting everything BUT what we want.

When it comes to accepting oneself with all the imperfections that society has labelled on us, we can see them playing out in the relationships we have.

Especially the romantic ones

We put so much pressure on what it should be and we expect the romantic partner to fulfil every need we have.

The same way we put an enormous pressure on trying to be some kind of perfect version of ourselves and expect to find solutions for all our needs straight away.

Basically, if you’re finding it hard to make it work with someone, it probably means you’re finding it hard to work with yourself too.

Yes. It comes down to that. To love.

What if we could start to look at the dislikes we have about others as something we really dislike about ourselves?

That everyone who comes into our lives plays an important role in our own growth?

Life is relationships. Everything exist in relation to something else.

We start out, building up this wonderful image of ourselves that we present to the world and that we seduce our surroundings with. We entre a romantic relationship and at first it is all love and light.

Then the dark side comes to play. We destroy, become dark in our thoughts, sabotage and play out all kinds of scenario with the other person.

We must understand first of all that we do this because we have opened up a bit of our trust to the other.

Well just a little.

We have decided to let our guard down, to give ourselves to the other.

That is when we start to feel vulnerable and so the protection comes out. On the one side it’s all the mechanisms we have learned over the years since childhood and on the other side it’s the belief that the other should complete us and therefore be PERFECT.

They should be the unconditionally loving parent that we constructed in our minds. But the truth is, that unconditionally loving parent wasn’t flawless. That is  just how we have decided to remember it.

Consciously we remember it but deep down the experiences are still there.

The experiences that took us away from the fully self loving baby to the insecure, love seeking person we then became.

Those experiences gave us our belief system so we base our relationships on the premisses that we are not enough the way we are.

We play out all the “shadow” qualities in us, shamelessly projecting them on to the other.

It wouldn’t be true to say that the other doesn’t have these qualities, we are seeing something in them. But for sure, we have them too. That is probably even why we were so attracted to them to start with.

We could read in their soul, the wounding that we both have. And if I can heal your wound, then through that process, maybe I can heal too. And this is why the feeling of love (pre shadow out burst) feels so wonderful. It is a taste of ONENESS. 

Life is choice, choice to perceive the very neutral reality as it suits you.

So, see the other as a mirror image of yourself.

The beauty is this: when we are confronted with our shadow, that is how we can grow. (Think: enLIGHTenment means to shine the light in the shadow)

It IS a choice: I can decide that all the bad I see in the other, is just that. In the other.

Then I leave for the poursuit of a more ideal partner. I might even end up with a perception that all “men” / “women” are untrustworthy/mean/crazy/cheaters… because I manage to meet more than one like that. It is only really when I change the way I behave that I will attract other traits in someone. It doesn’t even have to be a different kind of person, just pulling out another side in them.

Are you willing to look at yourself and say “that belongs to me and I accept that”?

Because that is how you can look at the other and say “you are … but that is ok, because you are so much more and if I want to love you, I have to love all of you”.

(pst! it really means that you are accepting and loving all of YOU)

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