Why you need to feel sadness

There is a reason why “pure positive focus” sounds so appealing to us and why it’s such a loop hole in the world of spirituality.

We only really want to feel the juicy feelings, the happy, cozy, abundance and all that jazz. So naturally, when we are being told that this is what we should do in order to achieve happiness, we will try our best.

Then, there is the reason why this does not work.

Don’t get me wrong – we can focus all positively and attract more of what we see but the nagging feeling in the background of emptiness will still prevail.

Because the pure positive focus is not something you should “work on”. It is actually supposed to happen naturally. You see, pure positive focus and happiness is really what our natural state of being is.

Yet, it won’t work to skip straight there. 

This is not some rule that has been made up to make it seem more esoteric or elitist. It is because what you think you are doing is fake.

Every time that you have that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, or in the heart and you find a way to not think about it, you are pushing the possibility of natural pure positive focus further away.

And the only way to find your way back to it is to allow for the sinking feeling to emerge fully.

You know the feeling:  When you are waiting for someone or something to happen, or even just for the rain to stop. It sneaks up on you, a thought or a memory. It triggers your anxiety, your loneliness or your fear. So you look away, take a deep breath or just pull out your phone.

You do this EVERY day.

It might even be much more conscious than that. It might be the criticising narrative you are so sick of.

On and on again in your mind.

About your future, about your past, about your body, about your job.

You push it away, can’t stand this broken record.

Even in a seemingly opposite moment:

A certain numbness when experiencing something amazing, beautiful and intimate that you just can’t take in.  You might even say “how beautiful” and take out your phone to take a photo of it. But somewhere there is a strange sensation of nothingness.

Of emptiness.

Of numbness.

You are not feeling anything for real. There is always a certain distance between your heart and what you are looking at.

And this is why you can’t jump straight to “GO” for experiencing pure positive focus.

It is a whole process of beginning to feel anything at all again. 

We can’t shut out the negative emotions and only leave the positive. We have actually shut it all away,



To connect with an authentic lightness in the heart, you need to reactivate your emotions so that you can FEEL THE FEELS, like the say.

So to come back to really feeling you need to open the door that closes off your heart. And of course, to open that door, you need the right key. And which key would that be you think?

The one with rainbows and unicorns?

No, we never locked that one. The one with the scary idea that we are unworthy, useless, incapable, not special, not lovable?

Of course.

You don’t have to start dressing in black and use eye liner while listening to dark music. What you need to do is to ask the feeling what it truly is saying. You know, like the 4 year old, pulling in your arm while you are desperately trying to ignore it and listen to the cashier behind the counter. If you would stop what you are doing, squat down to the 4 year old’s level and say “what are you trying to tell me?”, the child will stop pulling. And it will tell you that it wants that lollipop you hide in your bag.

Guess what? Your heart will do the same. Instead of pushing the thoughts and emotions away like someone you just don’t want to deal with right now, stop a moment (it might take some practice) and say “what are you trying to tell me?”.

(Hint; guess what practice might be great for this??? You know it : meditation)

Really, it’s the same thing with being chased in your dream. We have all heard the suggestion that when we realise we are dreaming and we stop to turn towards what is chasing us, the nightmare ends.

If there is one thing you should remember from reading all the way until here, it’s this:

To feel joy, you need to connect to your true feelings again and it can only start where you first began disconnecting from them. So it has to start with the feelings you don’t like. To let them speak to you, you need to treat them like that 4 year old (another hint: it was probably at that age you first learned how to push them away).

Don’t be discouraged if you don’t know how to. Don’t be frustrated if you can’t seem to do it.

Remember that you have practiced the same way of pushing it all away for so many years, it would be a miracle if you could just turn that behaviour around easily.

Hi, I’m Charlotte (Yogi Cha). I’m a yoga teacher with a degree in clinical psychology. I’ve always had a deep curiosity toward eastern and western approaches to understanding the mind, and the ming/body union. You’ll find me in the lovely Canggu Bali, nestled amongst coconuts, palm trees and sunshine 🥥🌴🌞



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